is your mom at the bar?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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