ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
