i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
