real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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