i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
