Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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