There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
