I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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