Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
