Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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