The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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