Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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