I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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