everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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