Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
