I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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