I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
