You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
