i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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