I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
