Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
