Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
