I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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