You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
