Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
