He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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