he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
