a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
