he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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