You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
