can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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