I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
