also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
