So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
