I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
