Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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