Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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