just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
