this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
