I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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