Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
