margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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