no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
