I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
