he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
