it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
