it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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