My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
