i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i now understand why vodka
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
