Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
