the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
