If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
last night I used snow as a chaser
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